Life in the Smash Lane
by PigiBoi
Summary: Simply put, this fanfic depicts the typical life in Smash Mansion. Not much to say there
1. Welcome One and All

_Just a couple of disclaimers: First and foremost, I do not own any of these characters. Second, every character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will be appearing, even though the game hasn't come out yet. Also in this fic are characters that I would really enjoy seeing, though that does not mean I think they'll be in the game. The Koopalings and Alph will not be featured, and as for any character that has a counterpart of the opposite gender (eg, Wii Fit Trainer, Robin and Villager), only their default will be included. Finally, Samus and Zero Suit Samus are two different people. Same goes for Mario and Dr. Mario, and Zelda and Sheik. Here's a link (no pun intended) to all the characters that will be appearing, besides Master Hand and Crazy Hand._ _document/d/12sIiI_eZOooBc4Ie1UmidaThc8bvK_A3DtClO1g3nXg/edit?usp=sharing_ _. Now on to the story!_

"YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MUSIC, THE MOMENT, YOU OWN IT…" If you're a fan of Eminem, chances are you recognize those lyrics. If you don't, and you still recognize it, then you probably live in Smash Mansion, where it was permanently implanted into everyone's heads, thanks to a certain, rap-loving nuisance that people can't help but love. "DARK PIT, IF YOU DON'T TURN THE MUSIC DOWN RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Lucina was screaming this at the top of her lungs, but to no avail. The music was simply too loud. She would've turned it off herself, but the angel of darkness attacked her any time she tried. Her, Dr. Mario, Lucas, Toon Link, Falco, Young Link, Wolf, Pichu, Waluigi, Ninten and Daisy were all surrounding him in the cafe, covering their ears. (Except for poor Pichu, whose ears are too big for his own good.) "I GOT THIS!" Toon Link shouted as he pulled out his master sword, and pointed it at Dark Pit. While he was doing this, Chell (Remember what I said about characters I would enjoy not equaling characters I'm hoping for? This is what I meant.) used her portal gun to shoot the radio Dark Pit was using out of the mansion. Her, and the rest of the third party characters (plus Shulk if you don't count him,) were sitting down at a nearby table. "About time you did something," said Falco.

Daisy turned to Dark Pit. "Damn, between you, Waluigi, and Wolf, I have no clue why I hang out here."

This prompted Dark Pit, Wolf, and Waluigi to all say in unison, "Because you looooove us." Either they rehearsed that, or they've done it before, but either way, it was cliche as hell, and they knew it. Just then, Ness burst in, followed by Diddy Kong, Wario, Yoshi, Peach, Villager and Bowser Jr. They were all gasping for air, except for Bowser Jr, who has never gotten out of his clown car. "Who… was it… this time?" Diddy Kong asked in between breaths. Everyone in the cafe pointed to Dark Pit, who held his hands up in defense. "Come on! It wasn't THAT loud!" This exclamation was followed up by Mewtwo teleporting into the cafe. "What exactly was I hearing from the kitchen on the other side of the mansion?"

"Ooh boy!" exclaimed Villager. "You've really outdone yourself this time, huh DP?"

This was soon followed up by a "SHUT UP, BITCH!" out of Dark Pit's mouth.

"Okay, good, you fessed up. Can someone inform Master Hand? I've got some business to take care of." What was this business, you ask? Why, it's what he was doing in the kitchen: hanging out with Samus and Lucario! Because of course it is! "So what was it?" Samus asked.

"Dark Pit and his damn music… again."

"Will he ever learn his lesson?" Lucario thought out loud. When Samus was about to say something, the psychic pokemon answered his own question with "No he will not." Why were they in the kitchen? Two people Samus could not stand resided in the mansion, and neither of them would expect them to be in the kitchen. Unfortunately, both of them entered the kitchen anyway, accompanied by Little Mac, Jigglypuff and Greninja. "Hey, girl. Is your name WiFi? 'Cause I'm feeling a connection." came from the voice Samus knew all too well.

Without even turning her head, Samus responded, "Captain Falcon, do you even know what the word 'no' means?"

The other person, who Samus has known and hated for much longer, took this as his time to talk. "No. Adverb. A negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request." Ridley said, smartassing his two-sense into the conversation.

"Shut the hell up, Ridley"

Elsewhere in the mansion, Fox was in the training room. For ten years, he has been trying to reclaim his throne as the king of smash, but to no avail. Falco walked in. "Hey, man."

"Sup? Hey, you know what that noise was?"

"Yeah, it was Dark Pit."

"Explain no further."

"When will he learn?" wondered Wii Fit Trainer, who was in another part of the training room. She was just finishing up her training session, and left the room. She went into a separate room containing Kirby, Zero Suit Samus, Luigi, Meta Knight, Sheik and Inkling. "Took you long enough!" exclaimed Inkling. "Where were you?"

"Where do you think?" asked Meta Knight.

"Poyo," replied Kirby, who thought the question was for him.

"Okay Kirby, let's go off of YOUR assumption," responded Meta Knight. "What would she be DOING in Dream Land?" This conversation was interrupted by a hysterically laughing Inkling. "What's so funny?" asked Meta Knight, which only made her laugh harder. Wii Fit Trainer realized what it was. "Is it the voice?" Inkling barely managed to nod her head yes because she was laughing so hard. "If only I didn't sound so much like Antonio fricking Banderas," complained Meta Knight. In case you were wondering, this room was a lounge. On the other side of it was Bowser, Donkey Kong, Ganondorf, King Dedede and King K. Rool. "This chair is so damn comfy!" shouted King Dedede out of nowhere. "If only I could bring myself to get out of this chair and clobbah that th-"

"IF YOU SAY WHAT I THINK YOU'RE GONNA SAY, YOU WILL HAVE IT!" Ganondorf screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Says the guy who doesn't know how to fight!"

"If you want to find someone who can't fight, find the goddamn Mii Fighters!"

"You know what?" King Dedede finally got out of his chair. "I will!" With that, he left, not even batting an eye at that there Kirby, and going to search for the Mii Fighters. The fighters in question were in the game room. Mii Brawler and Mii Swordfighter were in the middle of a game of ping-pong, with Mii Gunner keeping score so she can challenge the winner. Next to it were a pool table occupied by the Ice Climbers, a foosball table occupied by Olimar playing a team of Pikmin, an air hockey table occupied by Rosalina and Luma and a Pokemon fighting ring where Pokemon Trainer was about to battle Pit. In the audience, cheering Pit on, were Palutena and Zelda. "Go Squirtle!" Pokemon Trainer called out.

"Go Magikarp!" Pokemon Trainer went into a fit of laughter. The distracted Pokemon Trainer was laughing so hard, in fact, that he didn't even notice Pit switch out his Magikarp for a Venasaur. He silently commanded the Venasaur to use Vine Whip, put it back in it's Pokeball, and left. Palutena left to go celebrate with Pit, and Zelda went to go find Link. When Pokemon Trainer finally stopped laughing and took notice of his fainted Squirtle, he was the only one in the ring.

Speaking of Pokemon, Pikachu was in the arcade with Mario and Link. The trio was sitting around a table acting chill when the entire Fire Emblem crew except Lucina sat down at the table next to them. And Link just HAPPENED to be facing his worst enemy, outside of Ganondorf. He and Marth glared down each other, and looked like two Asians having a staring contest. Eventually, Pikachu broke the staring contest. "Pika pi!" he shouted, greeting Decidueye as he entered the room along with Mr. Game & Watch, R.O.B., Bandana Waddle Dee, and Duck Hunt. Nobody knows how a sentient dog could get stuck to a sentient duck, and to be honest, nobody wants to know, so Duck Hunt was left alone for that matter. However, what did matter, was what came next, as an angry Master Hand was yelling at Dark Pit right next door. "AM I CORRECT THAT THE ENTIRE MANSION HAD TO DEAL WITH YOU PLAYING EMINEM?"

"Yes, sir," said a defeated Dark Pit, who knew that saying anything else would result in him going through hell.

"One month. Hand massages." Just another day in the mansion for you.

 _Sorry this chapter was so lacking in dialogue, this was just to show what a typical day in the mansion is like. Future chapters will focus on certain fighters. Leave your suggestions in the reviews. Thanks for reading!_


	2. 4 More Fighters

_This may be a bit short, considering it's a move-in chapter. Next full chapter will be out soon, I promise!_ _ **Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.**_

It was raining heavily outside. Thunder clapped in the distance, as two men approached Smash Mansion. The older one had long, blonde hair, and the younger one had shorter, brown hair. Both were very muscular, with blue eyes, and a chain whip in hand. The older one had brown clothing, and the younger one was blue-clad. The older one spoke up. "This is the place, Richter."

"Simon, I have one hope right now, and that's that it's not another prank by Alucard."

"There's only one way to find out." The two vampire hunters (Is that what they are? I barely know anything about the Castlevania games.) entered the mansion, greeted by a surprisingly optimistic Dark Pit. "DARK SAMUS WELCOME TO THE- oh. It's just you." Richter looked at Simon confused, and Simon simply shrugged back. Master Hand was the next to greet the pair. "Dark Pit, it's time for my- OH WELCOME! My name is Master Hand. Let me show you around!"

At dinner, there were four extra seats at the table directly next to one another. Simon and Richter took the two seats next to Steve, with the other two seats in between them and Lucina. Samus took notice of this. "I wonder who will be sitting there."

Mewtwo heard this and said, "That would be Chrom and-" All of a sudden, the two heard a glass clinking with a spoon, and Mario stood up. "Attention everyone, It is-a my pleasure to welcome Simon and-a Richter Bel-a-mont to the mansion." Everyone applauded, even though Mario wasn't even trying to hide the index card in his hand, and he continued reading off it. "There are two-a more people moving in-a here tonight. The first is, and I'm-a sorry Lucina, he wouldn't shut-a the hell up, Chrom! The second-a one is-" Just then, the door burst open, and Chrom walked in. He took his seat next to Lucina, and bit his lip to prevent himself from embarrassing her. Before Mario could continue, an explosion-like sound came from the direction of the bathroom, and none other than Wario exited. "Best not to go in there until it's fixed." Mario groaned, and walked to the bathroom, dropping his index card on the way. Samus, curious who the missing person was, picked up the card and read it. When she saw who the missing person was, she facepalmed. "You gotta be kidding me." was the last thing to come out of her mouth before the door opened and none other than Dark Samus was standing in the doorway. Samus and Zero Suit Samus were pissed, Dark Pit and Ridley were delighted, and Captian Falcon was drooling out of his mouth thinking of the possibilities with three Samuses in the mansion. Just another day in the mansion for you.

 _Leave your suggestions in the reviews! Thanks for reading!_


	3. Edgelords In Love

_Sorry I broke my promise last chapter. I was surprisingly busy that entire time. I'll try to be more consistent._ _ **Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.**_

Travis Touchdown. You know him, you play his games, you l̶o̶v̶e̶ tolerate him. At least if you're a third-party character you do. Everyone else cannot stand him. He may show some respect and/or humanity from time to time, but deep down, he's still a crude, punkish, immature, and cruel assassin at heart. That can't be changed. Nobody wants to be like him either. That is, until now. It all started with a knock on his door. "Alright, I'm coming! Who the hell could it possibly be, anyway?" That question was soon answered when he opened his door and saw none other than… "Bowser Jr? The hell are YOU doing here?"

"I need someone to act like a better dad to me." Travis was shocked when he heard those words. Never before had he thought anyone would think of him as a father figure. In fact, he was SO shocked, he said, "Sorry, you got the wrong guy." and shut the door. This was soon followed by Bowser Jr. knocking on the door again. "There's no stopping me."

Travis wasn't the only person to have a visitor. Captain Falcon woke up, opened the door to his room, and saw Dark Pit standing there. "What the hell are you doing here? You're not Samus. Get out." He went to close the door, but Dark Pit stopped him. "I need help with a relationship."

"There is no way in hell you have a crush. You're edgy as SHIT!"

"So is she."

"Fine. Take me to her, I'll tell you how to get her." He followed Dark Pit down the hall, with Marth and Roy having overheard. "Why does anyone forget that I'm married?"

"You're married?" came Roy's reply. All it took was a quick tipper F-Smash to shut him up.

Villager was hanging out in the foyer for no reason other than plot convenience when he heard a knock on the door. He went to answer it and saw Isabelle standing there. "Hi, Mr. Mayor! I got a letter from that Master Hand guy you keep writing me about! He wants me in Smash!" Master Hand came into the foyer at that moment. "Holy shit, your voice is so loud and squeaky that I could hear you from my office. Villager, show her around, I do not know how you deal with this bitch." Villager and Isabelle chuckled at this. "PLEASE STOP!" And that's how Villager almost lost his eardrums.

Bowser Jr. and Travis were playing catch when Ninten showed up in the courtyard. "What… exactly is going on here?"

"Bowser Jr. wants ME of all people to be like a father to him. This was the only thing I could think of."

"Not bad for someone like you. Mine and Ness's dad only saved our progress for us. We rarely ever saw them, and when we did, they didn't talk to us. Bowser Jr. is lucky." That's when Travis got an idea. "Call your dad, and get him to help me the hell out." Ninten left and grabbed an iPhone XR. "Seriously? You have that sad excuse for a phone?"

"It'll do its job. he called up his father, who said what he always says. "No, dad, I don't want to save, I want to ask you a favor. My friend needs some advice. Can you come over?" He hung up.

"What did he say?"

"He's on his way here."

Dark Pit and Captian Falcon walked into the arcade. Inside it was Rosalina, Palutena, Lucina, Mii Gunner, and Dark Samus. "Huh. Weird. None of the single girls could be considered edgy." came Captain Falcon's response to this matter.

"All of them are single."

"The three Samuses in this mansion are clearly into-wait a minute. You better not be having a crush on Dark Samus."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not."

"Well if you are, you're gonna get a FALCON PU-ow. Cramp." Captain Falcon held his wrist in pain. "I will kill you, you son of a bitch," he said under his breath as he backed out of the room. Only to hit his shoulder on the doorway. "OW! SHIT!"

"This is the Cafe. All the third parties clones and semi-clones hang out here." Villager was giving Isabelle a tour of the mansion. "Shulk comes down here too, but technically, he's not Nintendo."

"Yes he is," said Waluigi as he walked by.

"Who's that purple string bean?" asked Isabelle. That got Waluigi's attention. Nobody calls him a string bean and gets away with it. Except for Wario. And Master Hand. And Kirby. Not even Waluigi can resist that cute puffball. Isabelle was a different story though, as Waluigi didn't grow up with her games. He swiftly grabbed her by the shirt, quite strong for someone with a lanky build like that. "Call me a string bean wah-n more time, bitch. I dare you." Only for Master Hand and Crazy Hand to be walking by at that exact moment. "Isabelle, I have a job for y-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL, WALUIGI?!" a quick finger gun following what Master Hand had said followed, hitting Waluigi. "No attacking newcomers outside of fights."

Shigesato Itoi walked through the doors of Smash Mansion, while Villager was finishing up the tour. Isabelle noticed him, and asked, "Who the hell is that?" The only time anyone had ever heard her cuss. "私は私の息子を見るためにここにいる、" He said.

"MARTH! GET IN HERE!" Marth entered. "Okay. Good. You're here. Translate this guy." Itoi repeated himself. "He says he's here to see his son."

"Ask him what his name is."

"彼の名前は？"

"彼の名前はNintenです。"

"Okay, okay, I don't even need to know the translation to know the answer is Ninten. He's in the courtyard," interrupted Villager.

"彼は中庭にいる、" Marth repeated. Itoi walked in the direction of the courtyard. "You're welcome," said Marth, before leaving.

Bowser Jr., Travis, and Ninten were waiting in the courtyard for what seemed like forever. Finally, Shigesato Itoi showed up. Ninten turned to Travis. "Do you know who this man is?"

"An Asian."

"I speak English, you dipshit!" shouted Itoi.

"Geez, no need to be rude! I just need some tips on how to be a good father."

"To who?" Travis looked, and sure enough, Bowser Jr was nowhere in sight. That's when Bowser came in. "I'll be taking my son back."

"Tell your dad I said hi," said Itoi

"I will."

"Shit," remarked Travis. "There goes my one shot at being loved."

"Don't worry Travis," said Ninten. "You're still cool."

"What are you talking about?" asked Iwata. "He's just a stupid American."

Captain Falcon woke up in the infirmary. He felt a bandage on his head and saw Dr. Mario, the three Samuses, and Dark Pit all looking over him. "Guess I got beat up pretty bad in that fight, huh?"

"No, you were so shocked when you found out about my crush on Dark Samus that you fell unconscious and hit your head on impact," replied Dark Pit.

"I seriously wish I had a projectile."

"Whelp, you don't. See ya!" With that, the three Samuses and Dark Pit left. Just another day in the mansion for you.

 _Leave your suggestions in the reviews! Thanks for reading! Also yes, the Japanese lines did go through a translator. They mean exactly what they were saying it meant._


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